Have you ever been on a one-night stand?
I know of some people, myself obviously not included, who have and they all agree that it’s a strange sort of memory to look back on. Usually, ONS ensues after a break-up (for some of them much earlier than that) where one party who was once thoughtful, sacrificing, concerned, and blindly in love all throughout the relationship snaps (always for a particular reason or excuse)and things like commitment and fidelity and trust became abstract concepts that needed some serious “rethinking” rather than the way of life they had always thought it to be.
You see, once commitment flies out of the window you can have a lot of fun. Hypothetically, if I had at any point in my past relationships ever actively cheated on my partner – well, I’m sorry, but spending time feeling guilty for, uhrrrm, other pleasures is something I probably won’t be caught dead doing. So, one night stands. A friend of mine recommended Murakami’s Sputnik Sweetheart and he said it got him to thinking a lot about one night stands. (Mental note to self: Pick up a copy and see what it’s all about. You liked The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, right? This one should be right up there in the same alley.) Okay, so where were we? Right, ONS. You see, I’m not very censorious about sex. I believe that so long as you don’t hurt whoever you are with, whatever you do is your own business and ought to be enjoyed the way it’s designed to be enjoyed. Assuming, of course, that you are in a relationship and your partner is not exactly a fan of pleasure derived non-exclusively, then you should not be indulging in this particular game.
Following that train of thought, if one-offs are generally acceptable to you, here are some things I learned from friends which we agreed should be passed around – because the game is always more fun when both players know the rules, don’t you agree?
1. Learn to pick up the vibe if somebody’s sending you some. Insecurity and/or the whole ‘who me?’ pretend-disbelief can keep you alone in bed for some time.
2. Remember you are where you are with him solely for the sex. Check-in your emotional baggage at the door.
3. This may very well be the ONLY impression you will ever have to make, so WORK IT, baby.
4. Play safe. Suit up. Put on the latex. You know what I’m talking about, right?
5. Keep it friendly and light, right up to the goodbye the morning after. And no, you have no right to expect breakfast.
6. Virgins must come out with it beforehand. Some men (yes, there are still a few of them out there) are terrified of deflowering women they don’t exactly see themselves bringing home to mum.
7. If there is any indication that the morning after will only bring regret, keep your knickers on. Simply put, get into it for the sex, not because you’re drunk, high, or lonely.
8. KISS – Keep it simple, silly! Relax, it’s just sex. But be well-mannered enough to switch your phone to silent mode.
9. Lastly, bring out your trump card! Feel free to experiment. Your temporary partner has no idea of your usual style and is most likely devoid of expectations. So there’s your chance to wow him. And it may not be all about wowing him. Who knows what you’ll discover about yourself and the sex diva lurking underneath?
Having said all that, I guess I should also mention that some of the guy friends I had a discussion on this with agree that there is nothing quite as sexy as the woman (that’s you!) you have made a move on grabbing the bull by the horns, so to speak, and taking the initiative to cover the rest of the distance.
Image taken from here.