Name: Bambi Reyes** (not her real name)
Occupation: Group Manager for Sales
Status: Married, 4 kids
Last Hookup: 2 days ago
Number of Active Partners: 2
Looking for: Non-reproductive, purely recreational sex with men other than husband
ENTERING THE INFIDELITY ARENA
The day started just like any other, painfully trite. Even the morning sex with my husband has failed to give me that certain kind of jolt to keep me energized at least for most part of the day. Gene, my husband, seems to have retired behind the wall of marital ease. He seems to have already forgotten the preludes to sensual desire, which left me in a state of isolation – with my needs and jungle natures unsatisfied. I went down to the smoking area with two of my colleagues. It was there that I saw him again. I’ve seen him twice before and I thought he was interesting and I told my colleagues that. I can get his number for you if you want. Says my friend Nikki and though I tried to play it goody-goody by discouraging her, I was secretly hoping she’d get his number just the same. As if she read my mind, Nikki walked over to where he was standing and came back saying, His name is John and I gave him your number. In spite of my pretences, I was beginning to feel the once all too-familiar spark of anticipation for what’s going to happen next. Is he going to call me?
GETTING DOWN TO IT
Gene is in the living room watching TV. I took my place in the dining area, laid out all the paperwork I pretended to review on the table and tried my best to look busy. I know it’s unwifely of me but I’m hoping he’d go to bed soon and not bother me with another one of his 5-minute sex which I have come to despise. Not only does that kind of sex leave me unfulfilled, it also makes me feel like a discarded rug after. How did we end up on the opposing sides of sexual spectrum when we had it so good in the beginning of our marriage? I don’t want to think John had anything to do with this – how I’ve grown acutely aware of my husband’s shortcomings. John. I got his text message shortly after I reached home, I replied. Thus started the manic sms exchange which I didn’t want my husband to suspect so I switched my phone to silent mode. By this time, John already knows I’m married. He is too, apparently. Let’s have dinner tomorrow, he said. Sounds like a plan, I said.
FAST AND FURIOUS
Before dessert is served, we were both treading heavily waiting for the slightest pretext to leap out and ravage each other like primitive animals. Let’s get out of here. We walked hurriedly to the car park and when I saw that he was parked in an almost obscure spot, the wheels of my imagination started spinning wildly. I can’t remember the last time I had sex inside a parked car but I thought now would be the perfect time to recreate the experience. In the backseat, we fumbled with belts, trouser zippers, buttons, and my silk panties while our mouths, teeth and tongues hungrily sought each other. John was on top of me and I had my left leg curled around the curve of his buttocks. Soon, his engorged penis was rubbing against me, drawing sparks, and prodding me to open wider for him. I was raising myself tautly toward him, bracing myself for the sexual climax that was about to come and when it finally did, I was half-faint from pleasure.
I cheated on my husband. The enormity of what I had done came over me like a giant wave when I reached home and saw my youngest son sleeping soundly on my husband’s lap on the couch. Crossing the distance between the main door and the couch to greet my boys felt like taking the Walk of Shame. Later that night, I was the one who initiated the sex with Gene. He was a bit surprised by it but my enthusiasm and uninhibited passion got him completely aroused he didn’t ask any more questions. For the first time in many years, I felt closer to my husband that night. Or was it residual guilt masquerading as affection? I looked at his sleeping form thinking how vastly different he and John are. Whereas John is lean and sinewy, Gene looks every inch the father-of-four that he is – portly and floppy-armed.
MY SECRET LIFE
I saw John again the night before and he took me to the hotel room he was staying in for the night. He told his wife a cock-and-bull story about an overnight planning session with his staff and begged me to stay with him for the night. I couldn’t. But as a compromise, I told him I can stay for a couple of hours – my husband thinks I’m out drinking with the girls anyway. John is so flexible and athletic he taught me many things I had never experienced with Gene and with any one of my Ex-boyfriends before I got married. Sometimes, I’d use these new things John taught me with Gene and in those times, I actually enjoy sex with him.
IN TOO DEEP
I made excuses to Gene just to be able to see John twice over the weekend. I couldn’t stop re-enacting various scenes in my mind: John bending me over the kitchen sink or how firm and shapely my legs look propped up on his muscular shoulders as he takes me deep and hard. By this time I know I’m hooked. Keeping two relationships is becoming increasingly difficult but I am captivated by the intensity of pleasure and the danger that come with each rendezvous.
 In his book Infidelity: A Survival Guide, Dr. Don-David Lusterman cited Sexual curiosity, Lost sense of fun and excitement in the marriage and Inability to accommodate a partner’s needs, desires and expectations as among the reasons for extramarital affairs. He also debunked the prevailing theory that all women are in search of emotional attachments as part of their involvement in extramarital affairs. For some women, it can be just all about the sex.
 Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity, said that there are 4 stages that women often experience in the course of their long-term relationships with their partners and it usually begins with the loss of sexual desire (Stage 1). Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship and may experience tremendous guilt at some point and they will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. But this ‘appreciation’ will soon turn to ‘justification’ as the affair drags on.
 From Stage 2, Michelle Langley in her book Women’s Infidelity, zeroes-in on women at Stage 3 – they are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before or what is typically referred to as being in love. But these women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs.