I enjoy taking chances, just for that general feeling of having felt and knowing what it’s like. And having been. Because to be is of paramount consequence. Because my life is too short. Because there is so much more to see, touch, feel, hear and taste. Because I dare to dream and to believe. Because all I have is this one lifetime to fulfil all of this and then some. I do not want to die screaming “If only”.
Had a lovely time with my Victory group again last night. Our small group of five has gone up to nine last night, with four new joinees – two of them coming all the way from Mindanao! It was especially lovely to see Tin again after nearly two years of us both sort of ‘disappearing‘ for nearly identical reasons. Well anyway, it’s a story I would rather not talk about. What’s important is that we both found our way back…home.
Feeling stupid is not a major activity in my life, really. Except when I imprudently allow myself to be taken for a ride (I have decided enough is enough and walked away, I’m proud to say), because I was being ambivalent or simply afraid to say no and disappoint others. Being pretty or interesting or exuberantly positive about things comes a lot easier. It is quite interesting how I have evolved from someone who used to be covered in yellowing insecurity and fungified paranoia to someone who’s decidedly in control of her life. Or getting there, finally.
I have also recently discovered that there is still a part of me that remains as timid as a 13-year-old shy teen. Coming to this conclusion itself took forever because, well, the acting on instinct bit is a distinctly more dominant characteristic.
Why again are these absurdities supposed to be of any importance? Seeing as how work has taken control of my life the past years, my attention-greedy id is now throwing tantrums like a spoiled puppy as I fall prey to moods of pure bliss and imagined despondency to suit the situation I capably construct in my head. Which is where it all is, really. Don’t you think so?
And then again, I’m fairly sure I’m just (a.) Exhausted (b.) Thrilled by the possibilities yet unknown and there’s just too many of them these days! (c.) Aggressively hormonal.
Oh well. At least I am still mightily amused.