Total Fitness: Is It Over? Recognize the signs!

Total Fitness April 2011

When you’ve been in the dating game for quite a while and have had your fair share of relationship highs and lows, chances are, you would have been quite adept at detecting a relationship that’s bound for failure. Especially when it is a relationship you’re involved in. However, most of us tend to play the denial card because relationships are wonderful and being suddenly cut-off from the ‘in a relationship’ club does not look good in your dating resume.

But relationships, no matter how  beautiful and promising they are and usually at the beginning, require a lot of hard work. And before you can even begin to work on your relationship, you have to have a clear understanding of what it is all about. You have probably heard couples say, “We knew the moment we saw each other across the room that this was THE ONE and we have been happily married for 20 years.” Although we all wish we could experience love this way, the reality is that for most of us, relationships go through certain stages.  According to Dr. Marty Tashman, a clinical psychologist, relationships and marriages that evolve successfully generally go through five phases of development: Honeymoon; Accommodation; Challenge; Crossroads; and finally, Rebirth.

But in most cases, relationships often do not survive the storm that rages after the honeymoon stage. As you know, the honeymoon stage is the romantic, passionate, stars-in-the-eyes phase where sex is beyond great and both of you can only think about being with each other and very little else. It’s when you think love is the greatest invention and is convinced beyond shadow of doubt that it’s perpetual. But of course, it’s not, which brings us to Phase  2 – Accommodation. This is when you and your partner are now confronted by the day-to-day realities and unfortunately, they’re not all pretty.  It is here that disillusionment sets in and power struggles become evident. The other person’s habits, needs, anger and withdrawal patterns become uncomfortably clear. Intense conflict has the potential for developing during this stage. This also where the relationship takes the hardest hit and partners find themselves aboard the flight to Splitsville (a popular tourist spot i’ve been told)  because they failed to see the warning signs – or perhaps they chose to remain in denial .

And what are these warning signs? Read on and see if you need to take a long hard look at your current romantic relationship.

  1. Conversation between the two of you has gone monosyllabic and you feel you would rather keep your thoughts to yourself rather than share it with him or her.
  2. He/she says, “I love you,” and you can’t bring yourself to say it back.
  3. You’ve started to notice other men with more interest than before and you make yourself pretty each day, not for him but for others to notice. Or he could be checking out other women more when he thinks you’re not watching.
  4. You no longer talk about the future and in the rare occasion that you do, one of you is obviously disinterested.
  5. You fight moreoften that you have fun.


***To read the complete article, grab a copy of this month’s TOTAL FITNESS magazine from your favorite magazine stand.


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