***Published in TOTAL FITNESS Magazine August issue.
Relationships, even those with the brightest and most passionate of beginnings, spiral downwards usually because of common and seemingly innocuous mistakes. Failed relationships are attributable to a lot of factors. It could be due to mistakes committed by you or your partner; it may even be due to external factors neither one of you have full control over.
For better understanding, these relationship hiccups exist in order for us to gain a better perspective on things and eventually grow as individuals in a committed relationship. Some of them are designed to be uncomfortable and time-consuming but that is not to say that we give up at the slightest hint of trouble. There is nothing to be learned or gained in taking the safe, quiet route.
How the relationship survives is directly proportional to the gravity of these hiccups. Has the relationship gone past the point of no return? How willing are you to stick it out during the toughest of times and work through the difficult conflicts to get to the other side? With the right desire and a good amount of willingness, even “the point of no return” can be but just a temporary perception.
But let’s look at the common mistakes first and then make a decision of whether or not we want out or still make an effort to win our Ex back. ***If you ask me, however, blue binning (recycling of an Ex) is a mistake one must avoid committing – at all cost. But then again, that’s just me.***
#1 – Do you put too much premium on your online relationship status? With the advent and off-the-charts popularity of social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, most couples have gone all-out in letting the whole universe know about every little thing that goes on in the relationship. Stuff like what you and your boyfriend had for dinner and how many times you had sex after that no longer shock people when they read it on various online forums (or fora). But with this unrestricted openness comes a deluge of danger. By being so visible, you also render yourself and your relationship open to scrutiny and malicious attacks. Suddenly, the whole world has an opinion about your relationship and when the foundation is not that strong to begin with, the relationship falls apart so fast the next thing you know your relationship status has been altered to ‘Single’ from ‘In A Relationship’ and you have friends and strangers feigning sympathy for your sorry state.
#2 – Do you attach too much value on the superficial and lose sight of what your man really needs? Let’s face it, in today’s world where everyone seems to wake up every morning thinking of ways to look better than they did yesterday, it is so easy to lose oneself in the pursuit of things that look pretty and desirable on the surface. For most women, trying to decode men and their way of thinking has become an obsession that they end up doing things not according to what empowers them as a woman but according to how they will be perceived, accepted and loved by men. Most women commit the mistake of putting out or having sex on the first date and having multiple sexual partners because they think it’s a surefire way to get men to like them. So untrue! Men may be first and foremost visual (and sexual) creatures, but if you want to keep them, you have to have something more substantial on the menu. Brain and character, I believe, are what they’re called.
#3 – Do you expect your relationships to make you happy? We go into a relationship with the hope that it will bring us happiness, as they should. (Otherwise, what’s the point, right?) But sometimes, in our strong desire to be insanely happy, we fail to see that our idea of a happy relationship is NOT always shared by our partner. Some of us want to be together 24/7 but our partner wants to maintain some semblance of personal space. And between the two, keeping and respecting each other’s personal space takes the cake anytime. This is how you grow as a person. This is how you get to know yourself better. A lot of people fall prey into the misguided idea that couples ought to share everything, even to the extent of having synchronised inhalation/exhalation. This is just the thing that will get you a one-way ticket to Splitsville. Before you can expect your partner or your relationship to make you happy, you have you make YOURSELF happy first.