Men’s Health: WIN THE DATING GAME


***Published in MH September 2011 issue.

It is a shame that most men don’t know a single thing when it comes to approaching women properly, because it is so easy if done in the right frame of mind – and with a great game plan as a follow-through. The approach should be an enjoyable experience for you and the girl that you are going to meet. Unfortunately, few men have the ability to give women that thrill and excitement that they’re looking for whether at a club, the cinema, sports event, or on the beach.  Much more often, women get approached by guys who make them feel uncomfortable and cause their “force fields” to rise up and palms ready to connect with the face of the next obnoxious guy.

Let’s face it guys, most of you need to get seriously clued-in when it comes to the art of seducing women.  And so, with the help of some of my friends, let me walk you through the proper ways of approaching women in select places. But first, let’s get one thing clear: Do not get sucked into thinking that you can only find girls to date when you’re out at a party or at the bar. They’re on the street, in a store, in class, the cinemas, and nearly everywhere you go. All you have to do is play close attention and get your game on.

At a Club

Popular bars and clubs are not labeled ‘target rich environments’ for nothing. These are the easiest and most convenient places to meet women; where large numbers of available women come out to socialize and let loose. And why not? The alcohol is flowing, which aids in keeping inhibitions locked away in the cupboard until after inebriation wears off – and regret seeps in. Or maybe not.  And though it may not be true for all women, but mostly, these girls who aren’t accompanied by boyfriends or husbands are HOPING to be seduced.

Think about it: They did not spend three hours preparing themselves earlier in the evening, choosing the perfect outfit and shoes, doing their hair and makeup, and mastering the come-hither look for another hour in front of the mirror so that they could ONLY hang out with their girlfriends and blow off every guy who tries to talk to them.  Truth is, even when these girls are acting “too cool” for the room or for anyone, never assume that they don’t want to be approached and picked up. This attitude is key is you’re going to master the art of seducing women in clubs.

There is a STRATEGY to be employed when you approach women or want to pick up girls in bars — and even more importantly, you’ve got to know how to switch from the approach into the conversation. And not just any old conversation, the type of chit-chat she’d had to put up with from the last 29 guys who tried (and failed) to get her interested:

 “So what’s your name?”

“Where are you from?”

And so on. Guys who attempt conversations this way DO NOT have any game plan or strategy in mind, and so they wind up running out of steam and losing the girl’s attention very quickly.

Instead, start by using what’s called a “neutral-opinion opener.” What that means is you ask her a question about something that has nothing to do with you. Here are some questions you can toy around with:

“What do you think of this place?”

“Have you heard the news about the IMF President? What you think about that?”

To some women, it may not even matter greatly what you say but what can work to your advantage is that calm and collected demeanor. Girls may be hit on almost every day, and they know why you came up to talk to them. They may not be paying attention to what you’re saying, and rather how you are saying it. For instance, she may look for: Are you confident? Are you comfortable talking to her? Are your shoulders hunched over, or back? Do you slouch?

Do your best to appear comfortable and she will feel comfortable enough not to blow you off – just yet.

On the Beach

Another popular place to meet girls is the beach where alcohol is, again, ubiquitous, and nearly everyone’s half-naked. Now some men may think approaching girls in such an open and uninhibited environment is as easy as brushing your teeth – it is not. Here, women tend to be more judgmental or critical of people, especially men, so you would really want to get it right the first try. Contrary to popular belief, women know what they want, which makes it fairly easy for them to eliminate men within seconds.

Start by engaging her in a conversation. Once you’re talking, keep it up. Make the banter interesting. You may want to come up with some stories about you that are funny or interesting. You are fairly interesting, aren’t you? Try to not fall into the interview technique by asking things like: What do you do? Where do you live? Where did you go to school?

Once you’re engaged in a conversation with a woman, I recommend you DO excuse yourself for a while. This is one of the most powerful ways to show self-confidence. Tell her you have to go and check in on some friends who are playing Frisbee nearby. Or you need to go and make a phone call to your staff, or your dog walker or whatever –just make yourself appear important and in control of your world.  Or you want to go say hello to your friend the bartender. Then, walk away and do your own thing for a while.

If within those few minutes you have actually managed to get her interested, then she will miss your presence — even when comfortably nestled against the relaxing background of turquoise waters and clear skies. And when you do come back and rejoin her, whether it is after five minutes or an hour later, she will be looking forward to it.

The typical guy, when he’s out trying to pick up girls, will meet a girl, start talking to her, and NOT leave her side.

He will keep “working it” as best he can (usually, this means a lot of babbling and asking uninteresting questions), fearing that if he DOES walk away for a minute — even to go to the bathroom — she will get distracted with something else or get scooped up by another guy.

Behave in the opposite way. Be unpredictable. Have a strategy for every situation and every step of the interaction, so that instead of “hoping for the best” you will be guiding the situation towards the result you want.

And while you’re at it, why not invite her to join you and your friends for a round of Frisbee or beach volleyball?

At a Movie house

You saw her standing outside the movie house with her friends, probably in a queue for popcorn and soda.  You find her absolutely interesting and want desperately to approach her. What to do?

Be original.

An attractive girl usually has people complimenting her on her looks – how cute she is, how nice she is, how she makes jaws drop wherever she goes.  Typical. Bear in mind that by now, she’s probably used to empty compliments and if you become the next guy to come up and tell her how pretty she is, she’ll appreciate the compliment, but she won’t find you attractive. Unless you’re Chris Hemsworth, then you probably won’t even have to try. But since you are not Thor himself, try to remain calm and casual. Make a little joke at her expense. For instance, you could say something like “Wow, that’s a big purse! Do you have a BB gun in there?” or if she’s dressed up “I like your shoes…they look really comfortable”. Refrain from commenting on her appearance too often. Telling a woman that she is attractive is a great idea, true, but do not come across as too smitten or obsessed as this will surely freak her out.

Try flirting with her a bit. Yes, even with her friends around, because then she would know you are a confident, self-assured guy. But don’t try too hard.

Ask for her number. After a few minutes, if you’re having a good time chatting, cut things off on a high note, and politely ask for her number. Say that you’re mighty glad to have met her, but you really need to get back to your friends (or whatever else you were about to do before you started talking to her). If she hesitates, you can joke with her and say that you promise to only call her 50 times a day, but that’s all. You could also just get her email address (almost everyone has one, and is OK with handing it out, especially for a charming guy like you) or ask permission to add her on Facebook. But before you do that, make sure your Facebook is somewhat sanitized – if you know what I mean. The last thing a girl would want to see on your Facebook page is tons of photos of yourself in various states of inebriation; too many photos of you and your Ex; or very distasteful wall posts by your friends.

Now if you do get lucky in getting her digits, text her as you’re leaving the mall with your friends, then call her the next day. The rule about waiting to call was made for guys who acted too needy on the first meeting. Give her a nickname. If you call her “cutie” at the cinema, then when you call her you can say “Hey, cutie… it’s Me.” instead of “Umm, this is (your name). We met at the cinema the other night.”

If it seems like you’re being too needy, you probably are. You don’t have to text or call her every day, especially in the beginning. It’s safe to take a step back (if needed) and not disappear completely.

At a Sports Event

As you may have already deduced by now, you can use the same strategy you have employed on the first three scenarios to nearly all other possible scenarios you may find yourself smack in the middle of. It is, at the very least, about showing a healthy sense of curiosity. She knows why you’re talking to her. You’re interested. You won’t try to hide it now, would you?

You’ve met her at a sports event, perhaps a road race, so it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out at least one thing she might be interested in. Build on it. If she’s up for the conversation, she will give you something to work with. “It was a tough route, wasn’t it? “she says. You won’t derail the conversation now by moving on to another subject by saying “Ah, okay. So, where are you from?” Instead, here, you just let it flow.

She smiles, so you allow yourself to be daring. “I saw you when you crossed the 4km mark and I thought you were pretty strong out there.” You look into her eyes for about a minute, and offer to accompany her to the hydration area. On the way there, try to keep the conversation going by saying something about her running shoes or complimenting her on her running form.

All through this, even though she only spoke a little – bear in mind that you are still a stranger, as far as she is concerned – you found out a lot about her. She responds to your queries; she laughs at your jokes; so she likes that you talk to her. She plays along with your quips and that says a lot about her personality. She’s got character – and she’s got you.

The game is on. And it all started because you were daring enough to approach her. What you and every other man out there should remember is that the first few minutes count a lot when it comes to approaching women. A girl will gladly chat with you if you step up like an honest and good-hearted man and talk to her. The worst that will happen is that she will respectfully decline, and even then, she will probably tell her friends about that cool guy who approached her today, took her out of her boring routine and made her feel special and appreciated.

The first minutes, or even seconds, serve to get an overall “feel” for the person you have in front of you. Both of you will gain a lot of unspoken information from just a bit of interaction, and you will be able to tell easily how well you get along. Focus on the vibe that’s going on. Do not let it fizzle out.

Most importantly, don’t let the fact that she’s a stranger deter you. Yes, it’s a big step, but once you have your own plan to approach girls, you will gain major brownie points from her just for approaching her like a good man that you are.

Total Fitness: Travel Tips for the Holidays


Check out my article on page. 91.

As published on Total Fitness December 2011 issue. Grab a copy today! Christmas season may be well over but there’s still the Chinese New Year long weekend to take advantage of. So, travel away!

***

For most of us who spend countless hours and days fighting for survival and control in the cutthroat urban/corporate jungle, going away on a holiday is a necessity for a few different reasons: to relax and recharge our batteries, to get lost in the moment and have fun, meet new romantic partners or seal the bond with current beaus, or to simply take ourselves away from the chores and problems of our daily lives. But perhaps, the main reason why holidays are so important to us – strange though it might sound at first – is that they heighten our awareness.

 

For the most part, we are contained in environments that are completely familiar to us, and our lives largely consist of experiences that we keep repeating everyday. But when we go on a holiday, we are transported to a whole new dimension. The beaches, the mountain tops, the fields, foreign buildings and streets and the different food, language and culture are more real to us. They are all so new and different that we pay them much more attention. As a result we become more present than we are at home. We spend less time immersed in the ‘thought-chatter’ in our minds, or giving our attention to distractions like TV or the Internet. Why would you want to stay in your hotel room and watch TV when you can sit in a beach café and watch the boats going by, or go for a walk along the ancient city streets? Why would you give your attention to the chattering worries inside your head when there are so many stimulating and beautiful sights and sounds to soak ourselves in?

Going on a holiday takes us to that state of natural mindfulness, where we pay complete attention to our experiences and develop the kind of fresh, ‘first-time’ vision we used to have as young kids.

Taking a break is one thing but maximizing the perks of your holiday is another.  Because now there are tons of options to consider, it becomes more imperative to make wise and informed decisions without having to kill the thrill of spontaneity  – which is also what taking a holiday is about. To make sure you get all your money and time’s worth when planning for your holiday, consider these tips:

  1. Budget travel is NOT synonymous to bad travel. In fact, not only do you get to save more money, you also get to experience some aspects of traveling you would not otherwise experience during expensive trips. I mean, sure, you get to dine in expensive restaurants and clubs, but chances are, people are less approachable in these places and there are a lot of restrictions. But once you go the cowboy way and mingle with other budget travelers (and believe me there are more of us out there!), you are guaranteed to have the pleasure of meeting more people you can swap stories with.
  2. Explore away! Now is your chance to absorb all the colors, sights, sounds, taste, and feel your body can accommodate so don’t waste it by staying in your hotel room the whole day. Check out local tours and see which ones you can join. Or if you are daring enough, make your own itinerary and throw in some random things in between.
  3. Document your trip using your handy point-and-shoot and make short, fun videos after. This is your chance to discover the inner photographer in you, so make sure you have extra memory card and batteries that will come in handy when you run out of either right in the middle of your exploration.
  4. Make one or two friends for each day of your trip and by that I mean, make it your mission to know more than just their name and what sort of work they do. Have great conversations about books, movies, sports, or anything you can find common ground on.
  5. Learn. Find out more about the place, it’s history, and the people by watching, observing, listening, and asking questions. Traveling should be about learning about places and people as this is also where you can learn something new, different, and surprising – about yourself.

***

More shameless plug: Grab a copy of this month’s Men’s Health magazine and check out my article on page 91. Here’s a quick look at the article.

Go to page 91 for full article.

Men’s Health September 2011: WIN THE DATING GAME


It is a shame that most men don’t know a single thing when it comes to approaching women properly, because it is so easy if done in the right frame of mind – and with a great game plan as a follow-through. The approach should be an enjoyable experience for you and the girl that you are going to meet. Unfortunately, few men have the ability to give women that thrill and excitement that they’re looking for whether at a club, the cinema, sports event, or on the beach.  Much more often, women get approached by guys who make them feel uncomfortable and cause their “force fields” to rise up and palms ready to connect with the face of the next obnoxious guy.

Full story on page 86.

Let’s face it guys, most of you need to get seriously clued-in when it comes to the art of seducing women.  And so, with the help of some of my friends, let me walk you through the proper ways of approaching women in select places. But first, let’s get one thing clear: Do not get sucked into thinking that you can only find girls to date when you’re out at a party or at the bar. They’re on the street, in a store, in class, the cinemas, and nearly everywhere you go. All you have to do is play close attention and get your game on.

Awww, thanks Peejo!:)

***To read the full story, grab a copy of this month’s issue of Men’s Health magazine with Phil Younghusband on the cover.

Men’s Health: What She’s Hiding From You


Coco Martin for MH May 2011

NOTE: Published in this month’s issue of Men’s Health Philippines. Grab a copy NOW for full story. And why not a hundred more for the whole village while you’re at it?

***

Since time immemorial, men have been cast in the stereotype role of a cheating husband or boyfriend. We’ve seen them all, the many different ways they pull off their indiscretion: some do it so furtively they were never caught, while others seem to have no compunction at all in brandishing their extrarelational affairs. And society seems to have accepted this as norm that for a time, men appeared to have had a monopoly over this game called cheating. Not fully realizing that women – ahhh yes, women – are just as capable of  such depraved behavior in their relationships.  In fact, with the emergent cases of cheating wives and girlfriends leaving their partners, it can just as easily be inferred that women are more likely to have emotional affairs rather than one night stands or repeated casual encounters that never progressed beyond the hotel walls.

Grace, a 38-year-old Creative Director for an advertising agency and mother of four children, considered leaving her husband of 15 years for another man. In the end, it was her husband who made that decision for her. This is her story.

***

When I met my husband, *Lawrence, at a common friend’s birthday party, something stirred in me – instinct maybe? – and I just knew I had to be with him. He was charming, well-built, and what he lacked in the sharp intelligence department, he more than made up for with his sense of humor. And I had his undivided attention. So when I got pregnant with our first child barely a year into the relationship, we decided to get married. Just as *Lawrence was attentive to me as a boyfriend, he was an even more devoted husband and father to our first-born. There was so much love and passion in our marriage during these first few years that it never occured to me that things can go wrong. Until it did, and unfortunately, I caused it – the breakup of a seemingly unshakeable union.

It was in 2006 when things started to shake up a little at home. I was at the crossroads of my career, caught between staying in the small company I have worked for for so many years and moving on to a much bigger one with a lot more responsibilites. Many a night I have stayed up until very late, weighing the pros and cons of an imminent decision I was due to make, but my husband never seemed to notice any of it. I would curl up next to his body and he would no longer draw me closer to him as he instinctively used to, even when he’s in deep sleep.  I have always kept my hopeless romantic tendencies, but 11 years and four children after, it was only but natural for romance to wane a little.  I mean, we still have sex once or twice a week and though it seemed more and more perfunctory each time, I still consider it a pretty good batting average given that most of our married couple friends are no longer as sexually active – at least not with each other. I was 34 and lucky to have it all – a loving and responsible husband, beautiful kids, a good career, and loyal friends – until I made that one very foolish decision to stray.

Because YOU Need To Know...

Men’s Health: Take Her To Paradise


Men's Health March 2011

For high-action adventure-seekers, there are hundreds of reasons to love about the great outdoors. The thrill of riding that 4-foot Hawaiian wave or the excitement of defying gravity as you take those final steps to the summit of Mt. Everest – sure, these things sound thrilling and oh-so-dangerous, the thought alone is enough to keep your adrenalin a-pumpin’.  But there is one more reason to love about the outdoors without resorting to extreme sports and with guaranteed same level of, if not higher, endorphin boost and it’s called (Outdoor) Sex.

Having sex in public is an all-too common fantasy shared by both men and women,  and living in today’s brave new world of exhibitionism made up of blogs, online journals, and YouTube, is certainly making curious partners more daring in turning this giddy fantasy into an orgasmic reality.

Let’s face it, the bedroom – however comfortable that king-sized bed and however fancy the thread count of that Egyptian cotton sheets are – can get a little restricting (read: BORING), especially for partners with above average sexual appetite. In her book, Superhotsex, iVillage sex expert Tracey Cox shares some of the top places to take heart-pumping bedroom action to the great outdoors. To corroborate Ms. Cox’s sexy suggestions, I have asked some women to share their daring outdoor experiences and here’s what I got:

  1. Nature trip.My boyfriend and I were on a motorbike coming back to our hotel from the beach in Phuket when we both got frisky. (I was backriding and…) he was maneuvering the bike with his right hand while his left hand was doing some nasty business down (my) south. The public foreplay was just too much for both of us, so we decided to look for somewhere slightly private to finish our business. We wound up in some offroad track tourists go to for some 4×4 adventure, parked the bike on the side of the track and walked a few feet to the woods so we’re partly concealed but still close enough to see our bike remains safe. He asked me to bend over and it was the best 5-minute rear entry we’ve ever experienced,” shares *Bianca, a Graphics Artist in her late ‘20s.  Being out in the woods (or out in the middle of nowhere) gives our libido an extra boost. Fresh air makes us feel energized and healthy and the child in us associates being outdoors with freedom. As youngsters, we went outside to play “doctors and nurses,” as teens to sneak our first smoke or cop a feel behind the school building. Our subconscious remembers all of this for us and taps us on the shoulder (or on another part) to remind us and to suggest we do wicked things.

For more of these super hot tips, grab a copy of Men’s Health magazine March 2011 issue.

Because I'm a little hardcore like that...

Men’s Health: Read Her Dirty Mind ‘The Married Woman’


MH July 2009 Issue

Name: Bambi Reyes** (not her real name)

Occupation: Group Manager for Sales
Status: Married, 4 kids
Last Hookup: 2 days ago
Number of Active Partners: 2
Looking for: Non-reproductive, purely recreational sex with men other than husband
Tuesday, 11:30AM
ENTERING THE INFIDELITY ARENA
The day started just like any other, painfully trite. Even the morning sex with my husband has failed to give me that certain kind of jolt to keep me energized at least for most part of the day. Gene, my husband, seems to have retired behind the wall of marital ease. He seems to have already forgotten the preludes to sensual desire, which left me in a state of isolation – with my needs and jungle natures unsatisfied.[1] I went down to the smoking area with two of my colleagues. It was there that I saw him again. I’ve seen him twice before and I thought he was interesting and I told my colleagues that. I can get his number for you if you want. Says my friend Nikki and though I tried to play it goody-goody by discouraging her, I was secretly hoping she’d get his number just the same. As if she read my mind, Nikki walked over to where he was standing and came back saying, His name is John and I gave him your number. In spite of my pretences, I was beginning to feel the once all too-familiar spark of anticipation for what’s going to happen next. Is he going to call me?

9:45PM
GETTING DOWN TO IT
Gene is in the living room watching TV. I took my place in the dining area, laid out all the paperwork I pretended to review on the table and tried my best to look busy. I know it’s unwifely of me but I’m hoping he’d go to bed soon and not bother me with another one of his 5-minute sex which I have come to despise. Not only does that kind of sex leave me unfulfilled, it also makes me feel like a discarded rug after. How did we end up on the opposing sides of sexual spectrum when we had it so good in the beginning of our marriage? I don’t want to think John had anything to do with this – how I’ve grown acutely aware of my husband’s shortcomings. John. I got his text message shortly after I reached home, I replied. Thus started the manic sms exchange which I didn’t want my husband to suspect so I switched my phone to silent mode. By this time, John already knows I’m married. He is too, apparently. Let’s have dinner tomorrow, he said. Sounds like a plan, I said.
Wednesday, 8:30PM
FAST AND FURIOUS
Before dessert is served, we were both treading heavily waiting for the slightest pretext to leap out and ravage each other like primitive animals. Let’s get out of here. We walked hurriedly to the car park and when I saw that he was parked in an almost obscure spot, the wheels of my imagination started spinning wildly. I can’t remember the last time I had sex inside a parked car but I thought now would be the perfect time to recreate the experience. In the backseat, we fumbled with belts, trouser zippers, buttons, and my silk panties while our mouths, teeth and tongues hungrily sought each other. John was on top of me and I had my left leg curled around the curve of his buttocks. Soon, his engorged penis was rubbing against me, drawing sparks, and prodding me to open wider for him. I was raising myself tautly toward him, bracing myself for the sexual climax that was about to come and when it finally did, I was half-faint from pleasure.
10:35PM
HELLO, REALITY
I cheated on my husband. The enormity of what I had done came over me like a giant wave when I reached home and saw my youngest son sleeping soundly on my husband’s lap on the couch. Crossing the distance between the main door and the couch to greet my boys felt like taking the Walk of Shame. Later that night, I was the one who initiated the sex with Gene. He was a bit surprised by it but my enthusiasm and uninhibited passion got him completely aroused he didn’t ask any more questions.[2] For the first time in many years, I felt closer to my husband that night. Or was it residual guilt masquerading as affection? I looked at his sleeping form thinking how vastly different he and John are. Whereas John is lean and sinewy, Gene looks every inch the father-of-four that he is – portly and floppy-armed.
Friday, 11:00PM
MY SECRET LIFE
I saw John again the night before and he took me to the hotel room he was staying in for the night. He told his wife a cock-and-bull story about an overnight planning session with his staff and begged me to stay with him for the night. I couldn’t. But as a compromise, I told him I can stay for a couple of hours – my husband thinks I’m out drinking with the girls anyway. John is so flexible and athletic he taught me many things I had never experienced with Gene and with any one of my Ex-boyfriends before I got married. Sometimes, I’d use these new things John taught me with Gene and in those times, I actually enjoy sex with him.
Monday, 8:00PM
IN TOO DEEP
I made excuses to Gene just to be able to see John twice over the weekend. I couldn’t stop re-enacting various scenes in my mind: John bending me over the kitchen sink or how firm and shapely my legs look propped up on his muscular shoulders as he takes me deep and hard. By this time I know I’m hooked. Keeping two relationships is becoming increasingly difficult but I am captivated by the intensity of pleasure and the danger that come with each rendezvous.[3]

[1] In his book Infidelity: A Survival Guide, Dr. Don-David Lusterman cited Sexual curiosity, Lost sense of fun and excitement in the marriage and Inability to accommodate a partner’s needs, desires and expectations as among the reasons for extramarital affairs. He also debunked the prevailing theory that all women are in search of emotional attachments as part of their involvement in extramarital affairs. For some women, it can be just all about the sex.
[2] Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity, said that there are 4 stages that women often experience in the course of their long-term relationships with their partners and it usually begins with the loss of sexual desire (Stage 1). Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship and may experience tremendous guilt at some point and they will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. But this ‘appreciation’ will soon turn to ‘justification’ as the affair drags on.
[3] From Stage 2, Michelle Langley in her book Women’s Infidelity, zeroes-in on women at Stage 3 – they are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before or what is typically referred to as being in love. But these women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs.

Men’s Health: 30 Sex Myths Busted!


Men's Health Philippines May 2010 Cover

Women can’t get pregnant the first time they have sex—myth or fact? Oral sex can get women pregnant—myth or fact? Men want more sex than women—myth or fact? In today’s information-overload age, there’s so much information available that even the most discerning of the human species has difficulty separating fact from friction. You think you know everything there is to know about sex? Don’t be too quick to believe everything you hear or read about it. Truth is, people lie, exaggerate, and talk good game when it comes to sex. And if you’re not careful, you might find yourself eating out of a plate full of the most ridiculous sex myths—and dearly paying for it. So read on and let’s put these sex whoppers to bed once and for all…

  1. Bigger is NOT better. Are you kidding? Don’t believe anyone who says so.  What else would explain the pervasion of miracle growth patches and pills and penile implants? Truth is, we do prefer a bigger penis—aesthetically or fit-wise. But what to do if you’re not supersized and opposed to scientific interventions? Don’t fret as there are many ways to compensate. Maximize the use of your penis by learning some penetration techniques which can involve alternating long/short, slow/fast strokes, sensual rolling of the pelvis, and well as, experimenting with various sexual positions that promote deep and maximum penetration despite lacking an inch or two.
  2. The male appendage is the only way to please a woman.Though the importance of size cannot be emphasized more, you MUST know that penile penetration is not the only way to please us. Female orgasm can also be achieved through inspired oral techniques.
  3. Clitoral orgasm is inferior compared to its vaginal counterpart. Forget what Mr. Freud said about the superiority of vaginal orgasm obtained only through penetrative sex. Clitoral or vaginal, all we care about is our orgasm and you’d better give it to us!
  4. I couldn’t help getting too excited, you were simply scorching! Duuude, don’t put the blame on us. It’s NOT flattering when you ejaculate within seconds of vaginal penetration. That’s called premature ejaculation and you need to keep it in check. Doing your Kegels will help. This exercise tightens the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles of the pelvic floor. It’s the muscle group that cuts off the flow of urine, if you’re not familiar with it. Tighten your PC muscles for 10 seconds and do this 10 times.
  5. Men want more action than women do. Because sex is fuelled by testosterone which men have a lot of, it’s a common belief that men hanker for sex more than women. But, uhrmmm, times have changed. Now that women already know much more about how their bodies work and how to enjoy themselves in bed, they have become as sexually motivated as men.
  6. Women can’t get pregnant the first time they have sex.Women can get pregnant ANYTIME they have unprotected sex.
  7. Or by doing it standing up. Having sex in any position—standing up, kneeling down, upside down, however which way you prefer it—carries with it the risk of pregnancy if protection is not used.
  8. Or by using douche afterwards. Sperm are extremely fast swimmers and hundreds of thousands of them can reach the uterus even before the woman can douche. What’s more, the pressure of the solution squirted into the vagina can even push sperm into the uterus.
  9. Or when stoned and high on something. Unless you are both SO stoned that you end up not having sex at all, getting high is not even considered a method of contraception.
  10. Or by making her sneeze for fifteen minutes after sex.False. Definitely. For all the obvious reasons.
  11. Or when women have their period. Sperm stays alive for several days once inside the vagina—simply put, even if the last time you two had sex was three days ago during her period, she could now be ovulating and facing the risk of pregnancy.
  12. Or by doing it in a hot tub… Truth is, women can get pregnant under any of the circumstances mentioned—unless, of course, she’s already pregnant or sterile. Even condoms or other form of birth control DO NOT guarantee a 100 percent foolproof method of preventing pregnancy. So if you choose to have sex, regardless of when and how, know what you might be getting yourself into and see if you’re ready for it.
  13. Having sexual intercourse before an important event— a sporting event or a critical business presentation – can cause a significant dip in your performance.
    Some Swiss researchers performed stress tests on people 2 and 10 hours after the subjects had had sex, and found that by 10 hours, the subjects were already fully-recovered. There was only a small dip in performance 2 hours after sex.
  14. You can’t get STIs from oral sex. I’m sure you’ve heard of herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and nonspecific urethritis (NSU), an inflammation of the urethra (the tube where urine comes out) that only affects men—these are STIs that you can get from oral sex.
  15. Women go off sex during and after menopause. NOT TRUE. These days, women above 50 are said to be healthier than their predecessors. And with some help through hormone therapy, they’re no longer plagued with low sex drive and vaginal dryness. Cougar town is certainly open for business.
  16. Oysters spur horniness. Giovanni Casanova, the Venetian adventurer and infamous seducer, believed in the power of oysters, which seems an authoritative, first-hand endorsement. However, there is no scientific evidence to prove oysters increase sex drive.  But then again, any placebo can work if you believe in it.
  17. Oral sex can get you pregnant. Only if your ovaries are somewhere in the same area. Oral sex cannot get a woman pregnant, not even if there’s swallowing involved.
  18. Wetness does NOT equate to how turned on a woman is.Not getting lubricated enough does not necessarily mean we’re not aroused. Monthly cycle, pregnancy, illness, menopause, medications (such as antihistamines and decongestants) can affect our lubrication. So boys, no reason for you to get your boxer briefs all twisted in a bunch. Unless we’re really NOT turned on and in which case, we’ll make sure you’re well-informed.
  19. Sex toys can ruin your ability to achieve orgasm with your partner. Granted that women, in some cases, climax faster with battery-operated gadget, there’s still nothing quite like the real thing.

20.  The best sex is an all-nighter. Not true, says sex therapist Laura Berman, MD. In fact, recent studies say                        that 7 to 13 minutes is the ideal length of intercourse. But hey, if you can swing an all-nighter, we’re not                                 complaining!

21. Pulling out before ejaculation means no babies. So NOT true. While sperm is concentrated in semen                         expelled during ejaculation, sperm can still be present in seminal fluid—the clear, sticky substance released                         continuously from first moments of arousal. Of the millions of sperm present during ejaculation, it only takes                       one to get her pregnant.

22.  ‘Comparing notes’ in a new relationship can lead to better sex. Sexual chemistry between couples is                     different and spending time thinking about old partners can definitely take away a substantial amount of focus                     on the pleasure derived from your current mate.

23.  AIDS is a homosexual disease. Not only is this statement derogatory, it’s also very untrue. Studies show that               the HIV virus is rapidly increasing among heterosexuals than homosexuals.

24.  Intact hymen means she’s a virgin. Not quite, says gynecologist Ranjana Dhanu, MD. “An intact hymen is                   not a definition of virginity at all. This is because with women, doing so much of strenuous physical activity and                 exercise it is normal if your hymen stretches or even breaks during these activities.”

25.  She can’t get pregnant from anal sex. Indeed, because the anus has no connection to the uterus or fallopian               tubes. However, sperm can very easily dribble out and make their way to the vagina, so there is a very real risk                of pregnancy.

26.  Using someone else’s birth control pills before sex can’t get you pregnant. Birth control pills take a                     full MONTH to be at all effective, so one day and one pill won’t help her at all.

27.  ‘Blue Balls’ is just an expression. Blue balls, or painful vasocongestion, is actually a very real condition and                  it occurs during arousal and blood flow increases to the genitals, exerting pressure on the blood vessels and                        surrounding tissue. After orgasm or ejaculation, the blood flow decreases and the pressure is released. But if                       orgasm or ejaculation doesn’t occur, the pressure can cause pain or discomfort.

28.  Two condoms are better than one. False. Wearing one on top of the other only increases friction that may                  cause breakage.

29.  Men are into full-on Frenching at all times. – Not so, says William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, who                surveyed 50,000 men and found there are 30 different kinds of smooching moves guys love that don’t involve                  jamming their tongues into women’s mouths and vice-versa.

30.  Everyone’s having multiples; it’s not an unusual feat. So NOT true.  Sexologist Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey                  says, “While some women do experience multiple orgasms, it’s rarely all the time. It depends on the technique                    of both you and your partner. The worst thing you can do is get preoccupied with trying so hard – it’ll probably                  result in the opposite effect.” So stop stressing and have fun!

 

Men’s Health: Read Her Dirty Mind ‘THE SINGLE WOMAN’


 

Men's Health Philippines July 2009 issue

 

***Featured in MH July 2009 issue

Name: Pamela Cruz* (not her real name)

Occupation: Public Relations Executive

Status: (Recently) Single

Last Hookup: 4 days ago

Number of Active Partners: 3

Looking for: “Intimacy without the Intricacy”

Wednesday, 10:00AM

DUST MYSELF UP & TRY AGAIN

I had just ended a relationship and spent most part of the morning doing routine workouts in the gym. I didn’t want to be one of those women who camp out in the kitchen after a break-up only to re-emerge a couple of weeks after 20lbs heavier and not much to look at.[1] This morning, I focused on my ass and my stomach all the while thinking of that skin-tight black tube dress I picked up from Zara which I thought I’d wear for the anniversary that would never come. I knew I looked stunning the minute I walked out of the building because men would actually stop on their tracks to look. No, to ogle. And I’m getting a perverse sense of pleasure out of it.

8:00PM

AND SO IT BEGINS…

I was just about to shut down my laptop and call it a day, when my text message alert went off. Hey, what are you up to tonight? Wanna hang? It was Jake, an old flame who I’d see every once in a while for a quick fix. The whole day at work I haven’t been able to shake off my raging hormones. The moratorium on fixed sex is what I consider to be the biggest setback of a suddenly discontinued relationship. I don’t miss my Ex at all. But I definitely do the sex. I’m feeling rather ambivalent. The call of the loins is becoming more strident but I don’t think Jake is the answer. Dinner with girlfriends and then I’m calling it a night. Got a big client meeting tomorrow I can’t miss. Maybe next time. Hope he got the hint. As my fuck buddy[2], I am indifferent to Jake but I keep him around for emergency cases. And judging by the way my skin crawled a little after reading his text message, this is clearly not one of those.

10:00PM

HOW PAMELA GOT HER GROOVE BACK

Obviously, I didn’t go home early like I told Jake I would. So I fibbed a little, so what? After dinner, my posse and I decided to “celebrate” my freedom over a few rounds of margaritas. They have never liked my Ex for me and are now acting all smug hitting me with their versions of “I told you so” from all angles. Somehow I agree with them. The signs of impending doom were everywhere when Clarence and I first started dating, but I paid no attention to any of it. I thought he had it in him – the spark, the grit, the intelligence and the desirability to keep me hooked and my flighty feet firmly planted on the ground. Well, too bad, he didn’t. I excused myself from the table and the relentless chastisement of friends to freshen up in the Ladies. That’s when he caught my eye. Him with the chiselled countenance and dark brooding eyes that seem capable of boring giant holes through the stretch fabric of my black dress.

11:15PM

THE PRELUDE TO HORIZONTAL TANGO

I’ve heard it often said that once commitment flies out of the window, you can have a lot of fun. And that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking to myself while I hold Mystery Man’s gaze – with an air of mock defiance and a hint of provocation just to see how far he can go. The air is now thick with sexual tension you can slice through it with a knife. What do I do if he comes over?Anticipation is causing ripples of excitement to run up and down my spine and the length of my thighs which now feels as if the Amazon’s running through it.[3] Did he just wink at me? Oh the game is on, buddy boy. We paid for the bill and one by one, my girlfriends started to push back their cushioned chairs and get off to leave. I told them I didn’t feel like going home just yet and would stay for one more drink and ruminate about my failed relationship. I didn’t fool them for one second though. They witnessed the brazen flirting and figured that since I’m supposed to be “heartbroken”, they didn’t want to get in the way. Bless their indulgent hearts. And just as I thought he would, Mystery Man sauntered over to where I was sitting and with the enigmatic grace of a skilled predator, sat next to me, deliberately letting his leg graze mine in the most intimate fashion and hold the skin-on-skin contact long enough to give me a warm flush from the neck down. So I’ve been watching you since the minute you and your friends walked in. Predictable, but it doesn’t matter. He will do.

11:35PM

ONE NIGHT ONLY

We didn’t make it to his bed. The minute he opened the door, he had me up against the wall, his sinewy thighs lodged between my legs, his right hand deftly working the zipper on the side of my dress while his left hand kneads one plump breast. The second our clothes dropped to the floor, our sweat-soaked bodies followed. A tangle of limbs and arms at first, but soon we were both undulating to the rhythm of brutish sex. We did it three more times, first on the floor, the kitchen counter and on the couch, where finally he collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. I waited for the sound of his even breathing and then I slowly tiptoed to where my clothes were carelessly discarded. One night stands are not normally my nature but I know that it’s in my best interest to ease out of a possible sticky one-off situation with anonymity and finesse.[4]And that’s how random guy came to be known henceforth simply as MysteryMan.

Thursday, 2:00AM

REVENGE IS BEST SERVED COLD

I finally reached home. I’m exhausted and sore and reeking of sex. I hurriedly pealed my clothes off and stepped into the shower. I noticed a couple of bite marks on my shoulders, thighs and round flesh of my left breast. Funny, I didn’t feel his teeth clamping down hard on my bruised body parts. I must have been too busy minding my orgasms. I heard my text message alert go off. I’m sorry, I was wrong. Can we talk? It was him, my Ex. The guy who, just yesterday, pompously declared he doesn’t see us progressing beyond a perfunctory liaison and that I deserve someone else and not him. Now unless I find a nicer way of saying I’m sorry, too, but I just had the best sex of my life and I don’t think you’d want to listen to me go on and on about it during our talk, I will keep my thumb off of the reply button.[5]


[1] In her book It’s a Breakup NOT a Breakdown, author Lisa Steadman says Post-Breakup Slump aka Woe is Me, is natural and women do tend to feel a lot of strong emotions during this period. But it has to be dealt with in a healthy way. Retail therapy, trip to the salon, the gym or the spa, night-out with friends are among the more popular and highly-recommended ways of stumping the slump.

[2] Fuck buddy – Term used for sexual partners that regularly engage in sexual activities with each other, but do not share the usual emotional attachment of a standard boyfriend/girlfriend. Often used to describe two people who use each other solely for sexual gratification and nothing else. Usually this is a sexual relationship that still allows for each partner to seek sexual and emotional relationships with other people (hence, no attachments) but can rely on each other for a quickie or a booty call.

[3] French writer-philosopher Voltaire once said “It’s not enough to conquer, one must learn to seduce.” In the timeless art of seduction, timing is important – so is establishing a connection with a woman. One must first become a fixture of the woman’s mind, and only after she has had sufficient time to dwell on the impending moment will she become ready for anything physical.

[4] One Night Stands can lead to a lot of awkward situations that usually take place the morning after. One of the cool ways to avoid such is to NOT overstay your welcome. Men generally find women who are in control of themselves after a casual encounter and do not tarry about in the house waiting to be engaged in deep conversations or breakfast more mysterious and interesting.

[5] Break-ups often provoke hormonal crisis, which can lead most women to become vulnerable to advances. Women on the rebound usually go for sex with no strings attached. But it’s not that simple because women on the rebound are out to prove their desirability – or be certain that they made the right decision to get out of the relationship. Askmen.com suggests that you work on some strategies: press some of her psychological buttons (compliments) and stroke some of her physical ones to reap the rewards of a woman hungry for a fresh partner and some ego-stroking.

Men’s Health: The A-Z of Sex


The sex of your (and her) dreams is within reach, especially with these 26 tips.

Britain’s National Health Service (NHS) has boldly taken a new approach to sexual health education. Their recent approach aims on addressing the rights of people (especially the youth) to enjoyable and healthy sex lives and highlighting the universal right to orgasms.

In its leaflet Pleasure released to the public in July 2009, which carries the slogan “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away,” NHS recommended masturbation or sex as part of a healthy lifestyle alongside exercise and a balanced diet. A few of the well-documented health benefits of sex include reduced stress, pain and anxiety, reduced risk of cardiovascular disease, and improved immunity.

Though the chances of this approach being replicated in the country is practically nil, those of us who openly celebrate sexuality can take extra comfort in the fact that reframing sex as a component of a healthy lifestyle challenges social stigmas around sexuality and realistically reflects the fact that sex does a body good.

But how much do we really know about sex? The word itself means different things to different people and great sex often involves a range of activities and a great deal of experimentation. There are downsides to it as well, and if like most people, you like to play daredevil and have unprotected sex regularly, you just might get some of the nasties which, at worst, would require medical intervention and a pile of hospital bills. The sexual jargon has thousands of words for body parts, sensual explorations, sexual disorders, diseases and fetishes which we could all find use for—if only to keep us informed, well-equipped, and safe.

So how about we go through some of them in the alphabet order?

A-Spot – Most of you have probably heard of the G-Spot, but the A-Spot is another exciting zone that can produce intense sexual pleasure as well as rapid lubrication and contractions in some women. Also known as the AFE (Anterior Fornix Erogenous) zone, this area of sensitivity is located at the deepest point of the vagina on the upper (anterior) wall where it begins to curve upwards. According to Malaysian researcher, Chua Chee Ann, PhD, who’s credited with “discovering” the A-Spot, this sensitive area is located beyond the G-Spot just above the cervix.  Once there,  you are to continue stroking and applying pressure on this spongy area until she begins to lubricate (or moan in a pitch you’ve never heard before).

BDSM – Playing out sexual fantasies can be a great way to explore new role-play identities. It’s not uncommon for powerful and dominant people to enjoy being submissive during sex play. BDSM describes sexual play that involves some exchange of power or pain. B stands for bondage, D stands for dominance and/or discipline, S stands for sadism (pleasure associated with inflicting pain) and/or submission and M stands for masochism (pleasure associated with receiving pain). BDSM activities may involve the use of hot wax, leather, massage oil, feather, silk scarves, among other things.

Condom – Though widely denigrated for muffling the sensations involved with bumping parts, the condom is and must always be regarded as a must-have during sex. Unless you’re making mini-you’s, that is. Nowadays, aside from being ultra thin, condoms also boast of excitement-enhancing features (for the ladies) such as bumps, ridges, vibrating cock rings (usually as an attachment), and sensitivity-enhancing gels.

***

For full stories, grab a copy of Men’s Health Philippines November 2010 issue in bookstores and newsstands near you.

Men’s Health: Bedroom Confidential August 2010


Q:  My girlfriend doesn’t like me doing oral sex on her. Is this fine? Should I pursue it? And what process should I follow to make her comfortable with it?

A:  Two things: Your GF may have issues with her genitalia (the look, the smell, what-not) so you must reassure her that she is beautiful and her beauty extends all the way down to her nether parts. Second, chances are, you may not be doing it right. Think of it as a gentle breeze at the beginning and work up a little bit of pressure to get her on the brink of madness, instead of jackhammering her with your tongue at the onset and all throughout. Imagine giving her a good Frenchie between the legs, that’s how cunnilingus must be performed. Sloppy lapping is a big no-no. Take time to appreciate every little part of her down south by licking around, above, or below the clit, applying some gentle pressure and pushing with your tongue rather than lapping in weak, flaccid strokes. However, don’t feel that you have to completely depend on tongue power. If you find yourself getting tired, needing a bit of break, or maybe you want to visually appreciate the part you’re licking, pulling away for a bit and suing your finger(s) is perfectly okay. Lastly, be there with her. Keep a keen eye on your girlfriend’s reactions to your oral maneuvering. By this time, you should already know when she’s enjoying it – or not.