Men’s Health: Read Her Dirty Mind ‘THE SINGLE WOMAN’


 

Men's Health Philippines July 2009 issue

 

***Featured in MH July 2009 issue

Name: Pamela Cruz* (not her real name)

Occupation: Public Relations Executive

Status: (Recently) Single

Last Hookup: 4 days ago

Number of Active Partners: 3

Looking for: “Intimacy without the Intricacy”

Wednesday, 10:00AM

DUST MYSELF UP & TRY AGAIN

I had just ended a relationship and spent most part of the morning doing routine workouts in the gym. I didn’t want to be one of those women who camp out in the kitchen after a break-up only to re-emerge a couple of weeks after 20lbs heavier and not much to look at.[1] This morning, I focused on my ass and my stomach all the while thinking of that skin-tight black tube dress I picked up from Zara which I thought I’d wear for the anniversary that would never come. I knew I looked stunning the minute I walked out of the building because men would actually stop on their tracks to look. No, to ogle. And I’m getting a perverse sense of pleasure out of it.

8:00PM

AND SO IT BEGINS…

I was just about to shut down my laptop and call it a day, when my text message alert went off. Hey, what are you up to tonight? Wanna hang? It was Jake, an old flame who I’d see every once in a while for a quick fix. The whole day at work I haven’t been able to shake off my raging hormones. The moratorium on fixed sex is what I consider to be the biggest setback of a suddenly discontinued relationship. I don’t miss my Ex at all. But I definitely do the sex. I’m feeling rather ambivalent. The call of the loins is becoming more strident but I don’t think Jake is the answer. Dinner with girlfriends and then I’m calling it a night. Got a big client meeting tomorrow I can’t miss. Maybe next time. Hope he got the hint. As my fuck buddy[2], I am indifferent to Jake but I keep him around for emergency cases. And judging by the way my skin crawled a little after reading his text message, this is clearly not one of those.

10:00PM

HOW PAMELA GOT HER GROOVE BACK

Obviously, I didn’t go home early like I told Jake I would. So I fibbed a little, so what? After dinner, my posse and I decided to “celebrate” my freedom over a few rounds of margaritas. They have never liked my Ex for me and are now acting all smug hitting me with their versions of “I told you so” from all angles. Somehow I agree with them. The signs of impending doom were everywhere when Clarence and I first started dating, but I paid no attention to any of it. I thought he had it in him – the spark, the grit, the intelligence and the desirability to keep me hooked and my flighty feet firmly planted on the ground. Well, too bad, he didn’t. I excused myself from the table and the relentless chastisement of friends to freshen up in the Ladies. That’s when he caught my eye. Him with the chiselled countenance and dark brooding eyes that seem capable of boring giant holes through the stretch fabric of my black dress.

11:15PM

THE PRELUDE TO HORIZONTAL TANGO

I’ve heard it often said that once commitment flies out of the window, you can have a lot of fun. And that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking to myself while I hold Mystery Man’s gaze – with an air of mock defiance and a hint of provocation just to see how far he can go. The air is now thick with sexual tension you can slice through it with a knife. What do I do if he comes over?Anticipation is causing ripples of excitement to run up and down my spine and the length of my thighs which now feels as if the Amazon’s running through it.[3] Did he just wink at me? Oh the game is on, buddy boy. We paid for the bill and one by one, my girlfriends started to push back their cushioned chairs and get off to leave. I told them I didn’t feel like going home just yet and would stay for one more drink and ruminate about my failed relationship. I didn’t fool them for one second though. They witnessed the brazen flirting and figured that since I’m supposed to be “heartbroken”, they didn’t want to get in the way. Bless their indulgent hearts. And just as I thought he would, Mystery Man sauntered over to where I was sitting and with the enigmatic grace of a skilled predator, sat next to me, deliberately letting his leg graze mine in the most intimate fashion and hold the skin-on-skin contact long enough to give me a warm flush from the neck down. So I’ve been watching you since the minute you and your friends walked in. Predictable, but it doesn’t matter. He will do.

11:35PM

ONE NIGHT ONLY

We didn’t make it to his bed. The minute he opened the door, he had me up against the wall, his sinewy thighs lodged between my legs, his right hand deftly working the zipper on the side of my dress while his left hand kneads one plump breast. The second our clothes dropped to the floor, our sweat-soaked bodies followed. A tangle of limbs and arms at first, but soon we were both undulating to the rhythm of brutish sex. We did it three more times, first on the floor, the kitchen counter and on the couch, where finally he collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. I waited for the sound of his even breathing and then I slowly tiptoed to where my clothes were carelessly discarded. One night stands are not normally my nature but I know that it’s in my best interest to ease out of a possible sticky one-off situation with anonymity and finesse.[4]And that’s how random guy came to be known henceforth simply as MysteryMan.

Thursday, 2:00AM

REVENGE IS BEST SERVED COLD

I finally reached home. I’m exhausted and sore and reeking of sex. I hurriedly pealed my clothes off and stepped into the shower. I noticed a couple of bite marks on my shoulders, thighs and round flesh of my left breast. Funny, I didn’t feel his teeth clamping down hard on my bruised body parts. I must have been too busy minding my orgasms. I heard my text message alert go off. I’m sorry, I was wrong. Can we talk? It was him, my Ex. The guy who, just yesterday, pompously declared he doesn’t see us progressing beyond a perfunctory liaison and that I deserve someone else and not him. Now unless I find a nicer way of saying I’m sorry, too, but I just had the best sex of my life and I don’t think you’d want to listen to me go on and on about it during our talk, I will keep my thumb off of the reply button.[5]


[1] In her book It’s a Breakup NOT a Breakdown, author Lisa Steadman says Post-Breakup Slump aka Woe is Me, is natural and women do tend to feel a lot of strong emotions during this period. But it has to be dealt with in a healthy way. Retail therapy, trip to the salon, the gym or the spa, night-out with friends are among the more popular and highly-recommended ways of stumping the slump.

[2] Fuck buddy – Term used for sexual partners that regularly engage in sexual activities with each other, but do not share the usual emotional attachment of a standard boyfriend/girlfriend. Often used to describe two people who use each other solely for sexual gratification and nothing else. Usually this is a sexual relationship that still allows for each partner to seek sexual and emotional relationships with other people (hence, no attachments) but can rely on each other for a quickie or a booty call.

[3] French writer-philosopher Voltaire once said “It’s not enough to conquer, one must learn to seduce.” In the timeless art of seduction, timing is important – so is establishing a connection with a woman. One must first become a fixture of the woman’s mind, and only after she has had sufficient time to dwell on the impending moment will she become ready for anything physical.

[4] One Night Stands can lead to a lot of awkward situations that usually take place the morning after. One of the cool ways to avoid such is to NOT overstay your welcome. Men generally find women who are in control of themselves after a casual encounter and do not tarry about in the house waiting to be engaged in deep conversations or breakfast more mysterious and interesting.

[5] Break-ups often provoke hormonal crisis, which can lead most women to become vulnerable to advances. Women on the rebound usually go for sex with no strings attached. But it’s not that simple because women on the rebound are out to prove their desirability – or be certain that they made the right decision to get out of the relationship. Askmen.com suggests that you work on some strategies: press some of her psychological buttons (compliments) and stroke some of her physical ones to reap the rewards of a woman hungry for a fresh partner and some ego-stroking.

Men’s Health: The A-Z of Sex


The sex of your (and her) dreams is within reach, especially with these 26 tips.

Britain’s National Health Service (NHS) has boldly taken a new approach to sexual health education. Their recent approach aims on addressing the rights of people (especially the youth) to enjoyable and healthy sex lives and highlighting the universal right to orgasms.

In its leaflet Pleasure released to the public in July 2009, which carries the slogan “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away,” NHS recommended masturbation or sex as part of a healthy lifestyle alongside exercise and a balanced diet. A few of the well-documented health benefits of sex include reduced stress, pain and anxiety, reduced risk of cardiovascular disease, and improved immunity.

Though the chances of this approach being replicated in the country is practically nil, those of us who openly celebrate sexuality can take extra comfort in the fact that reframing sex as a component of a healthy lifestyle challenges social stigmas around sexuality and realistically reflects the fact that sex does a body good.

But how much do we really know about sex? The word itself means different things to different people and great sex often involves a range of activities and a great deal of experimentation. There are downsides to it as well, and if like most people, you like to play daredevil and have unprotected sex regularly, you just might get some of the nasties which, at worst, would require medical intervention and a pile of hospital bills. The sexual jargon has thousands of words for body parts, sensual explorations, sexual disorders, diseases and fetishes which we could all find use for—if only to keep us informed, well-equipped, and safe.

So how about we go through some of them in the alphabet order?

A-Spot – Most of you have probably heard of the G-Spot, but the A-Spot is another exciting zone that can produce intense sexual pleasure as well as rapid lubrication and contractions in some women. Also known as the AFE (Anterior Fornix Erogenous) zone, this area of sensitivity is located at the deepest point of the vagina on the upper (anterior) wall where it begins to curve upwards. According to Malaysian researcher, Chua Chee Ann, PhD, who’s credited with “discovering” the A-Spot, this sensitive area is located beyond the G-Spot just above the cervix.  Once there,  you are to continue stroking and applying pressure on this spongy area until she begins to lubricate (or moan in a pitch you’ve never heard before).

BDSM – Playing out sexual fantasies can be a great way to explore new role-play identities. It’s not uncommon for powerful and dominant people to enjoy being submissive during sex play. BDSM describes sexual play that involves some exchange of power or pain. B stands for bondage, D stands for dominance and/or discipline, S stands for sadism (pleasure associated with inflicting pain) and/or submission and M stands for masochism (pleasure associated with receiving pain). BDSM activities may involve the use of hot wax, leather, massage oil, feather, silk scarves, among other things.

Condom – Though widely denigrated for muffling the sensations involved with bumping parts, the condom is and must always be regarded as a must-have during sex. Unless you’re making mini-you’s, that is. Nowadays, aside from being ultra thin, condoms also boast of excitement-enhancing features (for the ladies) such as bumps, ridges, vibrating cock rings (usually as an attachment), and sensitivity-enhancing gels.

***

For full stories, grab a copy of Men’s Health Philippines November 2010 issue in bookstores and newsstands near you.

Men’s Health: Bedroom Confidential August 2010


Q:  My girlfriend doesn’t like me doing oral sex on her. Is this fine? Should I pursue it? And what process should I follow to make her comfortable with it?

A:  Two things: Your GF may have issues with her genitalia (the look, the smell, what-not) so you must reassure her that she is beautiful and her beauty extends all the way down to her nether parts. Second, chances are, you may not be doing it right. Think of it as a gentle breeze at the beginning and work up a little bit of pressure to get her on the brink of madness, instead of jackhammering her with your tongue at the onset and all throughout. Imagine giving her a good Frenchie between the legs, that’s how cunnilingus must be performed. Sloppy lapping is a big no-no. Take time to appreciate every little part of her down south by licking around, above, or below the clit, applying some gentle pressure and pushing with your tongue rather than lapping in weak, flaccid strokes. However, don’t feel that you have to completely depend on tongue power. If you find yourself getting tired, needing a bit of break, or maybe you want to visually appreciate the part you’re licking, pulling away for a bit and suing your finger(s) is perfectly okay. Lastly, be there with her. Keep a keen eye on your girlfriend’s reactions to your oral maneuvering. By this time, you should already know when she’s enjoying it – or not.

Men’s Health: Bedroom Confidential September 2010


Q:  My wife isn’t complaining but I feel a little uncomfortable being a houseband. How can I get past the feeling? — Raymundo via email

A:  By houseband I presume you are raising the kids and doing household chores while your wife brings home the bacon. I would like to think there’s a reason for the role reversal. Although this is an unconventional setup especially in a highly patriarchal society like ours, if this system works for you and your wife, take solace from the fact that raising kids and making sure they grow up to be productive members of society is as daunting a task as putting food on the table. Modern women have evolved a lot from the days of old when they were merely kept at home and expected only to perform wifely and motherly duties. Most of us who have reached some level of self-actualization thrive in the corporate environment and certainly don’t mind to be playing key roles in the cutthroat corporate world. That may be the reason why your wife is not complaining about the role reversal. But in the event that the roles are re-reversed and your wofe now wnats to be the one left at home to care for the kids, that should be equally-acceptable to both of you and hopefully, you’d be ready to man up and fulfill your end of the bargain. After all, marriage is supposed to be a partnership with both partners sharing responsibilities.

Men’s Health: Bedroom Confidential July 2009


Q: I love my girlfriend so much but I don’t seem to be sexually attracted to her. What am I gonna do?

A:  This is a weird situation to be in, yet not entirely far-fetched.  It would’ve been easier if you told us how long you’ve been together.  If the relationship is fairly new, then it shouldn’t be so difficult to get into the sexual groove. Nowadays, there are so many options you can look into and couple activities that you can explore to spice up your sex life. It also wouldn’t hurt to focus on the romance a bit more – romantic dinners and getaways always work.  But if you and your girlfriend have been together for long, the sexual slump is pretty normal.  That’s not to say that you just settle for what’s simply comfortable and do nothing about your dying embers of passion. Remember what and how it was like when the relationship was new and you can’t get your hands off each other.  Recapture those moments. Don’t wait for your anniversary or any other special day to show her how much you love her.  Be spontaneous and irresistibly romantic. I bet you, your girl will be so charmed by it. She’ll be inspired to throw little surprises here and there, too.