Congratulations, You’re Pregnant! So What’s Next?


So you’re having a baby. Isn’t that wonderful? I know exactly how unreal that feels! But once you and your husband or partner are done jumping up and down for joy, you may need to sit down and start the ‘family’ talk – if you haven’t done already. Being pregnant is just the beginning of a lifetime commitment to put someone else’s needs, wants, convenience, happiness well ahead of yours. As a first time soon-to-be parent like me, you may also be wondering what exactly needs to be done next. Well, besides getting your husband/partner involved every step of the way, here are some of the most important things to tick-off your pregnancy checklist.

Before Getting Pregnant

1. Get a comprehensive health insurance. Actually, this is something that you and your partner should have already planned for even before getting pregnant. If possible, get one that covers pre-natal, delivery, and post-natal in full – especially if you live in an expensive country like Singapore. Hubby and I decided to go for Bupa Health Coverage, on the advice of some friends, sometime in July/August last year. At that time, the holding period was only around 10 months and any pregnancy-related expenses, including delivery, and post-natal, after the 10th month will be covered 100%. Shortly after we took the policy, the maturity period was changed to 24 months, so it really was a good call when get insured at the time that we did. Bupa has an excellent health coverage program and even if you have to pay a slightly higher premium, you know that you will not be left out cold when you need it the most – especially when the bills start piling up during the course of your pregnancy.

2. Find a great OB-Gyne with whom you can entrust your body and your baby. Just like in number 1, it would have been ideal if you already have an OB for your regular non-pregnancy related check-ups even before getting pregnant. In my case, I had to find an OB shortly after moving to Singapore because of my polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) which needs to be monitored regularly. And once Hubby and I decided to get pregnant and I had to get off the hormonal pills I was taking, he was also the one we consulted about it.

During Pregnancy

3. Keep fit and healthy. If you’ve been living a healthy lifestyle even before deciding to get pregnant, then props to you! Making sure that your body is getting enough vitamins and minerals for yourself and your growing baby is a very important task. Start with having more vegetables, fruits and meat/fish in your diet. Also, ask your OB about prenatal multivitamin supplements as these can help fill in the nutritional gaps in your diet.

When it comes to fitness, continue with whatever workout regimen you already have prior to pregnancy, but make sure to adjust the intensity according to the stage of your pregnancy. Remember, we are not created equal – so whatever works for other pregnant women may not necessarily be your cup of tea. In my case, I was doing a lot of running and yoga before I got pregnant, but I had to stop running at some stage and I also switched to prenatal yoga when I entered the second month of my pregnancy. In large part due to my age-related paranoia that I might end up causing harm to my growing bub if I get too intense with any of my workouts. Instead of running, I have been doing a lot of walking these days, averaging about 8,000 steps daily.

4. Get a good anti-stretchmark cream. Trust me, your body will thank you later for it. I started using this product called Elancyl, which I discovered when I Googled “Top anti-stretchmark creams for pregnant women” days after I found out that I’m pregnant. I started applying the product on my 8th week, even before the bump became pronounced. It is essential to keep the skin around your tummy, thighs, buttocks and breasts supple and elastic especially when they start expanding and stretching to accommodate the growing baby in your belly.

An amazing product like Elancyl will help keep those stretchies at bay.
An amazing product like Elancyl will help keep those stretchies at bay.

Another product that has mothers raving about is Bio Oil, which is a much cheaper alternative to the branded stretchmark creams available in the market. In order to stretch the life of the slightly pricey Elancyl, what I normally do is alternate the use of both. I apply a generous quantity of Bio Oil on prescribed areas at night before bed time, and use Elancyl during daytime, after my morning shower.

Another alternative is the ubiquitous Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Anti-Stretchmarks Massage Cream. Slightly more expensive than Bio Oil but cheaper than Elancyl or Clarins, this product is also endorsed by a lot of pregnant women. I forgot to bring my Elancyl when we left for Bangkok and for some weird reason, we couldn’t find it in Boots or Watson’s so I bought Palmer’s instead. I love the buttery scent of the cream but I still prefer Elancyl. Will definitely stock up on the latter when we’re back in Singapore.

Palmer's Cocoa Butter Anti-stretchmarks cream
Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Anti-stretchmarks cream

5. Get educated. Read up on pregnancy but try not to get so obsessive about it that it causes you to be super scared and paranoid about your condition. I tend to fall prey to Googling weird stuff about pregnancy that I sometimes get so scared of stepping out of the house for fear that I might harm my baby. There are books and resource materials aplenty but in my case, I have found some of the best tips and information from this book called What To Expect When You’re Expecting, which was loaned to me by Yats, and this goldmine of a novel by an American writer living in Paris called Bringing Up Bébé, which essentially extolls the virtues of raising your children the French way.

Expect the best and the worst.:)
Expect the best, prepare for the worst.:)
Explore the joys of French parenting
Explore the joys of French parenting.

6. Pamper Yourself. As our body goes through a plethora of hormonal changes, so does our mood. Pregnant women tend to become overly sensitive, not only about their surroundings but especially about their bodies. At the beginning, I was also a bit alarmed by the weight gain, the appearance of cellulites on my thighs, the thickening of my arms and thighs, etc. And if you are every bit as vain as the woman sitting next to you, it’s not very difficult to feel fat or unkempt. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. By all means, get a haircut, a Brazilian wax (a word of caution: Your skin actually becomes more sensitive especially around the pubic area so if you can’t take the pain of getting the hair pulled, then feel free to skip this), mani-pedi treatment, antenatal massage, etc. You may be losing your hourglass shape, but that doesn’t mean you need to let go completely.

First thing I did when we arrived in Bangkok was to get a haircut, hair treatment,  gel mani-pedi, and a foot massage.
First thing I did when we arrived in Bangkok was to get a haircut, hair treatment, gel mani-pedi, and a foot massage.

7. Invest in fashionable yet durable maternity clothes. But don’t go on a rampage when you’re not even showing yet. I suggest you start buying only during your second trimester when your bump is already visible. And even then, go for pants or skirts that have elastic waistbands or those beautiful tunic dresses that you can keep until the the last trimester. Maternity clothes are not the easiest to find, I know, and are often more expensive than normal casual clothes, but with a little bit of patience in going through online shopping websites, you’ll soon be turning heads with your radiant pregnant look.

Can you believe that I found this dress online for only 20 SGD?!
Can you believe that I found this dress online for only sgd 20?!

8. Schedule maternity visits and pick your hospital (for delivery) soon. In a way, I feel very lucky to be living in Singapore for a multitude of reasons, including having so many great maternity hospitals to choose from. From Mount Elizabeth, Mount Alvernia, Thomson Medical, Gleneagles, KK Hospital, etc., you can have your pick of a great hospital to deliver your baby. Deciding on the hospital early is very important as it will also help you and your partner to figure out the finances. Having a baby in Singapore is such an expensive business which is why, I cannot emphasise more on the importance of securing a top-of-the-line insurance coverage earlier on.

9. Get your husband/partner involved. Always remember that it’s not only you who’s probably scared and overwhelmed about having a baby. Make it a point to have regular open and sincere discussions about the baby and starting a family as this will also bring both of you closer than ever. Discuss parenting decisions, religious faith, child education, etc. all throughout this magical journey so you are both on the same page and the foundation of marriage and family life is more fortified than ever before.

10. Embrace the journey. The next nine months and the years after that are going to change your life in ways that you’ve probably never imagined. My husband and I are still befuddled by the changes and the coming responsibilities but we both love where we are now and where we’re headed for. That, to me, is just as important as all the other tips I have shared. There must be, first and foremost, an overflowing supply of love and respect in the home for you wouldn’t want to bring forth a child in a chaotic, stressful environment. Make time, as a couple, to sit back, relax and just bask in the joys of pregnancy even as you get ready for the next phase of becoming les parents.

Aye, The Stork Has Landed!


Today, I take a break from travel writing (Okay, let’s get real here. I am far from a celebrated travel writer/blogger. I just happen to travel quite a bit and occasionally write about my trips.) to talk about something personal, yet incredibly magical. The proverbial stork has paid our home a visit and I am now 17 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy. I have been meaning to blog about it since the day we found out five weeks into my pregnancy, but Hubby and I decided we would wait until we’ve done the First Trimester Pregnancy Test (FTPT) and are assured of our baby’s health and normal development. Weeks have gone by and somehow, I can’t seem to find the right words to describe just how unrestrainedly excited I am – WE ARE – for the coming of our baby.

What I’m about to say is totalement cliché but I will say it anyway: What I am experiencing now is simply too beautiful for words. That pregnancy in itself is a life-altering event in a woman’s life – especially this woman – is a universally-accepted truth, but nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming joy and occasional bouts of trepidation (Am I really ready to become a mother? Am I going to be a great Mom? What’s going to happen to my career after this? Will I be able to get rid of my pregnancy weight and how soon?) of actually going though it myself. The physical changes that my body goes through week after week is just one thing. The mental and emotional tumult (in a good way), is another.

It’s not because Hubby and I are worried for any particular reason. Deep in our hearts we know that we are both ready for the big picture responsibility of parenthood. Although we have been a couple for more than seven years (married for nearly three years out of those seven), we mutually-agreed at the beginning that we will not be rushing into parenthood for a handful of reasons. Some of those, I admit, were decidedly selfish but necessary in the way that they helped us become more prepared for what’s to come. Not to say that we already know exactly what to do – no one can possibly be that deluded – but we are trying and learning day by day. Do we regret having a baby quite late as opposed to getting right down to it at the early stage of our relationship? Not really, no. There are merits to spending a good amount of time as husband and wife, first, considering we spent much of our boyfriend-girlfriend years trying to make our long distance relationship work. We took time in nurturing our relationship and now that we have built a pretty solid foundation, we both felt it was time to bring in a new member to love and care for as much as we have done for each other all these years. Or perhaps even more. For isn’t it that children can bring out the selflessness you never even knew existed in you?

It was late last year when we started having serious baby talks and I won’t lie to you: I was starting to worry about my ovaries ageing faster than I could even perfect a pincha mayurasana (which I still haven’t learned to do unassisted, by the way) pose. I am 35 and I am not one to age-shame, but that sounds pretty advanced to me. Unfortunately for us women, our ovaries simply don’t decide to stop ageing at 21. Besides that, there’s also the late pregnancy risks to consider, i.e., the increased risk of Down’s Syndrome for the baby and also the potential risk on the mother’s wellbeing – if the mother is not very healthy to begin with. Thankfully, I have been living a somewhat healthy lifestyle for many years now. Yes, I do binge occasionally like any other human being with natural urges, but I try to compensate for it with a lot of weird exercises and then some.

To make things a little bit more compliqué, I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, which means, my hormones are completely out of whack and I’ve been told that getting pregnant may not be as easy as boiling eggs on a kettle with a timer. And because of my hormonal imbalance, I had to take hormonal pills for several years. So when we decided to have a baby, I prayed that I won’t have wait too long because, again, ageing ovaries, and well, we thought it would be really lovely to deliver our baby in Singapore, just as the nation celebrates its 50th year. After all, we did get married in Singapore on 12-12-12. Why not take the number play a notch higher and go for a Jubilee baby as well? LOL.

We may have been over enthusiastic about the whole let’s-start-a-family thing when we were in Europe last February (oh yes!) that I had the highest hopes of seeing those two blue lines when we got back from our winter holiday. But instead of two, I saw only one blue line, and I could feel myself slowly sinking into the abyss of sadness, that gnawing feeling of inadequacy, and aching worry. Weeks passed and my period still hasn’t come but at the same time, I was feeling these weird symptoms that were terrifying me because they were raising my hopes so far up – and I was afraid of crashing down in a pile of rubble. Hubby saw how distraught I was with the result of the first HPT and it was affecting him, too. The week before my second appointment with my OB, I took one of those HPTs and again, no two lines. By this time, I was oscillating from sadness to frustration and some other wild emotions in between, that it was pretty hard to play catch-up with my mood swings. Poor Hubby.

Finally, I went to see my doctor, primarily to complain about my period taking an extended break and the two happy lines not showing meanwhile. It turns out, I got false negatives on my HPTs! I was alone at that time as Hubby had a meeting he couldn’t get out of and anyway, we didn’t really expect anything different other than the singular line during that particular visit, so I didn’t really push him to go with me. So when I called him immediately after I stepped out of the clinic to break the news of my pregnancy, we were both so overcome with joy that’s unlike anything we’ve ever felt before. So freakin’ intense! I mean, if I thought having raclette and an undisclosed amount of wine up in the snowy French Alps in winter with was pure bliss, knowing that I have this beautiful seed blossoming into life inside of me is about a million times blissful! God has heard our prayers and we are going to become parents!

So for the last few weeks, Hubby and I have been quite busy making all the preparations for the little one’s arrival. And since I will most likely be blogging about pregnancy, motherhood, and the whole shebang far more frequently in the coming weeks, I should probably end my post right about here. On my next post, I will have tips and funny stories to share, so I hope you’ll stick around for that as well.:)

Oh, did I tell you that we are having a baby boy? Mais oui, c’est un garçon!

xoxox

My 17-week old bumpie.
My 17-week old bumpie.

I Do.


I Do.

Christophe, I promise to love and care for you and I will try in every way to be worthy of your love, trust, and respect. I will always be honest with you, kind, patient, supportive, understanding and forgiving. Yes, even when sometimes being all of that is in itself a challenge. But most of all, I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you. I will love you through good and the bad, through joy and the sorrow, the ugly and the beautiful. Maybe not so much the ugly…kidding! I want to face all of life’s experiences and share beautiful dreams and goals with you. I promise to be your equal partner in a loving, honest, and nurturing marriage, for as long as we both shall live. Je t’aime enormement, mon mari.

P.S.: I will even learn to speak your native language to save you the trouble of translating each time we are in the company of French people.:)

***

Venue: Alila Villas Uluwatu

Photo by: Noel Abelardo
Gown by: Nikolai Jude Hernandez
Suit by: Cho Vittorio Iago Orlanes
HMU: Bali Makeup and Hair
Videography: Point One Designs

The One With Random Updates On Married Life


I had just finished typing my last email with 33% battery life still left on my laptop, so thought of posting a quick one on my blog, which, upon checking the last update, might as well be a quarterly journal of heaping nonsense. My kind of nonsense.

If I could encompass these past few months that I have been sort of away, I could only think of a word: Wife. Married for four months now, I would have to say the new role suits me just fine – in a way that a person can never go wrong with a tailored suit or dress. It’s like playing house with a carefully-chosen housemate, only better, because you actually get to share a lot of intimate stuff and find delight in each and every moment. Of course there would be the occasional fights, mostly when I would lose my marbles for no reason (and let me tell you, I am pretty adept at that), but what’s marriage without excitement, right? I cannot be in a state of perpetual bliss 24/7. I need to lose it every now and then to feel alive. Thankfully, my husband loves me enough to understand and embrace my weirdness. But perhaps I shouldn’t push the envelope too far, ya?

So in between work and constant travel, I try to spend as much time learning how to fit into this wifey role – which I must admit, was perplexing at the beginning because I had been so used to just looking after myself and my own needs and now, I have a husband to cherish and look after. Suddenly, it is no longer just me or about me. I am now 50% of a life partnership and the more emotionally, mentally, and spiritually prepared I am, the better the journey will be.

A husband and this…

Image

… horticulture type of things, which I might be getting a little too obsessed with these days. You know how old folks would say you gotta try your hand at caring for a plant or a pet first before you even make an attempt to bring forth a child in this big, bad world? I guess it’s safe to say that I’m presently at that stage. Oh, have you met Perpetua my perpetually sleeping petit chat, yet?

Perpetua

So there you go, big fat checks on both plants and a pet. I am sooo ready to become a Mom, yey! LOL.

And then there’s also this…

Image

I have been spending some time in the kitchen on weekends (when I’m not downward dog-ging on the yoga mat or cycling and running around SG, that is) and I would sometimes surprise myself – and C – with the delightful dishes I would come up with in quick minutes. I’m no Nigella that’s for sure, but I don’t think I am entirely useless around the kitchen either. Ask C and I bet you he’d say without a hint or sliver of bias that my sinigangadobo, and four cheese pasta are the best he’s ever tasted! Haha.

All things considered, I would actually recommend marriage. But make sure to pick the right partner or life could be a lot more complicated than you would have cared to prepare for. But don’t tell anyone I said that — I (still) have a reputation to protect. LOL.

Goodnight Loves!

Total Fitness: The BREAK-UP Guide


NOTE: Published in this month’s issue of TOTAL FITNESS magazine. Grab a copy TODAY!

***

Who made the rule that you have to be friends with your Ex? No, seriously, how can two people who, at one point, shared everything in their lives –both emotionally and sexually, to the complete extent–ever break out of that mould and erase the past and pretend like it never happened? Some people manage with ease and élan, but some are just unable to.

I remember a very long time ago when R and I broke up, I often wondered ‘How can I be “friends” with him, when even now, when I’m not in love with him anymore, some part of me flinches to see him looking so good and taking this whole thing better than I ever could? How can I be friends with him, when he has successfully ruined my last three flings, because all of those guys looked at me and said,“Um…are you still hung up on your Ex?” How do I explain to people, that it is not because I am “into” him per se, it’s just that for a year and a half, he was the most important person in my life. He was my best friend, with benefits. We shut out everyone else, just being with each other. That he and I were like some stupid packaged deal that you cannot have one without having the other as well? And I hate that he’s able act all “Oh, I’m so over you” around me, and I turn into this completely different person, who’s being snarly and bitchy and picking fights for no reason at all. I might as well just paint myself red and run around waving a sign, saying “Remember me? I used to be your girlfriend. We used to date.”

That was six years ago and contrary to what my broken little heart feared before, my life did not end.  In fact, shortly after the proverbial bruise has disappeared and my ego has had a chance to repair itself, I woke up in a place where flowers are much more vibrant, the air a lot fresher, and dreams are much closer to reality.

Most of us who dare to love and make a decision to cast all else aside, are never spared from the lashings of a break-up – any break-up. When we are in a relationship, we tend to conduct our lives in a certain pattern or structure and this goes on for what seems like ages that when things finally come to a halt, we feel a great deal of pain and desolation. But usually, the pain is due to the fact that we suddenly have so much time in our hands that we don’t know what to do with – no more going to the gym together; no more candlelit dinners during anniversary and birthdays; no more hanging out with other couple friends, and yes, no more sex with the same person night after night after night.

Face it, the inevitable has arrived. You are no longer in a relationship and the sooner you accept that; the sooner you allow yourself to look past the hurt and wish the other party well, the better and stronger you will be. Getting over an Ex, especially if the relationship was the most intense you have had yet, can be a long and arduous process – but you will get there. Now to make sure you don’t self-destruct, here are some tips you can apply post-break-up:

  1. Find A Good Distraction. Go ahead, mull over the relationship and its demise, but NEVER obsess about it. If it ended, there must be a good reason why and there is no use trying to relive the good days over and over again in your head. So he now has someone new and it hurts like open-heart surgery without anaesthesia — but you have to move on. How to do this? Take on a new hobby. Start a blog. Get active in sports and group activities. Feed your creative side by reading great literary works or dabbling a little in poetry and prose.
  2. Keep Your Space and Ditch Memory Triggers. Usually, after a break-up, we go through the ‘We used to’ phase – ‘We used to come here every Saturdays’ ‘We used to shop here a lot’ – and it’s very normal. What is abnormal is when you insist on clinging to memory triggers:  Little gifts, dried-up flowers, and framed photos that you put on display on top of your office desk or the corner table in your bedroom, forming a little altar of love begone. See that trash bin over there? Use it! And while we’re on the subject, STOP CYBERSTALKING YOUR EX. Terrible idea.
  3. Love Yourself and Embrace Your Inner Goddess! So he dumped you for someone else – or a new toy (Don’t laugh, it can happen. A toy or hobby can sometimes be just as good a substitute to a tiresome lover!) big deal. Whatever she looks like, never use it as an excuse to wallow in self-pity and think yourself unattractive and unlikeable. You are beautiful and someone is dying to be with you. Keep your options wide open and don’t shut people out.
  4. Deal With the Hate Phase Positively. 9 out of 10 breakups are antagonistic, no matter how the splitting parties try to make it appear amicable. If the reason for the break-up is infidelity or betrayal of trust, expect rage to be boundless. But sooner or later, this phase will come to pass – unless you or your partner are chronically vindictive. Nonetheless, you should find a way to channel that hatred and rage. Be open to your friends about your feelings or write about it. By unburdening yourself of negativity, you are that much closer to achieving catharsis.
  5. Do NOT Rethink Your Decision…especially when break-up is caused by one party’s infidelity. It is very common for people to turn messianic thinking you can save that person from himself and if you find yourself going down that road, STOP and RUN the opposite direction! You wouldn’t want to be sitting in the front row for the re-run, believe me.