A: This is a weird situation to be in, yet not entirely far-fetched. It would’ve been easier if you told us how long you’ve been together. If the relationship is fairly new, then it shouldn’t be so difficult to get into the sexual groove. Nowadays, there are so many options you can look into and couple activities that you can explore to spice up your sex life. It also wouldn’t hurt to focus on the romance a bit more – romantic dinners and getaways always work. But if you and your girlfriend have been together for long, the sexual slump is pretty normal. That’s not to say that you just settle for what’s simply comfortable and do nothing about your dying embers of passion. Remember what and how it was like when the relationship was new and you can’t get your hands off each other. Recapture those moments. Don’t wait for your anniversary or any other special day to show her how much you love her. Be spontaneous and irresistibly romantic. I bet you, your girl will be so charmed by it. She’ll be inspired to throw little surprises here and there, too.
Q: I’ve heard the praises of dating older women, like being more experienced. But this woman I know is anything BUT. She’s very conservative. We have a 10-year gap, and I don’t know if this can work. Any thoughts? — Lee, via e-mail
A: First, ask yourself what motivated you to pursue this lady. While some of these ‘benefits’ may be true, it’s not an across-the-board kind of thing. Older women have the advantage of experience but they are not devoid of inhibitions. Second, what does your instinct tell you? Is it telling you it’s not going to work? Chances are, it may not, but that shouldn’t stop you from looking at all the possibilities. From the tone of your query, you seem to be more bothered by the fact that she’s very conservative (which goes against the stereotype of ‘experienced’ women) than the 10-year seniority she has over you. I say, if you like her enough and you feel your ‘relationship’ has a potential, why not try to cook up ways to coax her out of her shell? Who knows, you may just be the guy she needs to liberate her from her inhibitions and initiate her into the ‘modern’ ways of the world.
With my extensive relationship history, one would be inclined to think that I have somehow earned my stripes in the romance department. Possibly. But that’s not to say that I have mastered the art of not shedding copious tears each time a relationship crumbles to a heap of broken dreams on the ground. I still cry. And the most unbelievable amount of tears I cried for he-who-must-not-be-named and our so-called non-relationship, not too long ago. A non-relationship because he was invoved with someone else and I, well, I was the side dish to her entree. Though filled with the most intense love and passion, it was, clearly, a Bad Romance and it didn’t take long before I found myself making an unscheduled trip to Rock Bottom.
But I guess you could say i’m one of the lucky ones because right in the middle of the unfortunate three-way I have knowingly thrown myself into, Romance (with a capital R) has tiptoed into my world once more and is standing quietly in the corner with the umbrella stand, as of writing. And said Romance, though multi-cultural and, for now, long distance, has given me back my self-worth.
And you know, the good thing about an all-exclusive romance, is that I had forgotten what a good thing it was. I mean, dude, the happy feelings? They’re very good happy feelings. This is, perhaps, more addictive than smoking even. And I highly recommend that more people should do this. Perhaps we can have a Bring Back The Romance Club, where for 500 pesos a month, you get flirty texts, flowers on your birthday and late-night phone calls with a sexy French accent. Sign up now!
But, Romance also has its downsides. Like the simple fact that on rare occasions, I find myself insanely jealous of his Ex-girlfriend when there’s clearly no reason to be. Or how I’m suddenly more analytical of certain conversations, forgetting that he comes from a different cultural background, ergo, it is but natural that we see things differently sometimes. These all seem pretty inconsequential in the general scheme of things, but falling in love and being in a relationship sometimes makes you think and do a lot of crazy things.
All in all, being in a relationship is a good thing. No, scrap that. It is a GREAT thing. It helps chart your priorities in a way that you stop being extremely self-centered and start paying more attention to your partner’s needs and much to your delight, discover that it’s actually more fulfilling. Being in a relationship also keeps you grounded and though there are no guarantees, you still tend to look at your partner in terms of marriage and children, which, in my opinion, is a very healthy exercise of the heart and the imagination.
And so to keep the love roaming around freely in the building – if indeed that is what you wish for yor relationship – here are some romance Do’s and Don’ts that you must follow:
- DON’T ever go to bed mad at your mate. Sleep on the couch if you have to, but make sure the bedroom remains to be a safe, wonderful, and enjoyable place to go to.
- DO pick your fights. Ask yourself if this is something that is going to matter in 5 years. If not, let it go.
- DON’T speak when you are mad, rather, wait until you calm down enough to talk. Take a walk, a long bath, hit the gym, or do yoga to calm down, and always, always, always stick to the subject of discussion. Never ever attack their personal feelings, they have just as much right to them as you do to yours.
- DO put your partner first. A lady can open a door for a man just as easily especially if his hands are full.
- DON’T badger your partner for his or her opinion on everything, especially when they’re too tired or stressed out to even come up with one. It will only start a fight over nothing and neither one of you would want that.
- DO tell your partner often that you love them.
- DON’T allow your relationship to get into a rut. If you find that nothing seems to be as spontaneous as it once was, first talk then think of some action to take.
- DO try to understand what your partner is saying. And if your partner likes a certain type of sport, try to learn what the sport is about and the names of the teams and you never know you might actually like it once you understand it.
- DON’T be afraid to show your love in the way that you take care of yourself, your partner, your children, your home your job. You would be surprised to see how well that works.
And finally, this is the easiest one of all and I think that if more people should follow it, the world would truly be a better place. LAUGH. Yes, just that. Have a good laugh with your partner. Heck, you can even laugh at yourself! Whatever you do, learn to find something amusing out of anything. Laughing is good for you and those around you.